Broken Roads

Sometimes we have the power to try and save others. When we see someone care about going down a dark road we try our hardest to stop that journey from happening. Its within us to help others, its human nature.

One of the hardest things for me to do is realizing how far I’m willing to go to help another person. Sometimes I will go so far that I end up risking my health or more because I’m only focused on the one I’m helping.

I have come to realize that not everyone can be saved if they don’t want to save themselves. This can end up feeling like you lost a loved one and that the battle is done. I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to feel like this. It’s ok to hurt, to go through the motions. You are human.

Do not save others and risk your life in the process. Let the other person attempt the changes, knowledge them. Help when needed but know when to step back. It might not always be easy, if can be a downright struggle. Don’t start breaking down your own road to save someone else’s who doesn’t want a better life.

You cannot control the depth of a wound another soul inflicts on you. You can control if your willing to endure their struggles.

Truly Loving Yourself and Accepting Your Past

After taking a break for a month or so I’ve never felt so alive yet also feeling so lost. Such a crazy combination when you think about it. My life has been been the greatest it has been in years and the happiest. Yet, apart of me is still struggling to realize that I deserve every inch of God’s grace he’s given me. I’ve put my heart back together and continued to do so when I cut myself in the process. Coming so far yet feeling like no strides have been made. Like more should of been done in that time, feeling defeated when in actuality we won that phase of our lives. I survived such hell and survived domestic violence yet at times I still act like a victim.

Why do we put ourselves down when we have no true reason to? 

It leads too others seeing our true soul and sometimes it’s something we don’t want others to see. We’re so vulnerable in this state we can’t hide what is eating us on the inside. Then reality hits us, do we love ourselves? Truly love ourselves? We often say of course we do I’m happy and then after the “but” starts. 

Do we love ourselves enough accept where we are in life and what we survived from our past? Better question, can we?

We’re warriors, when we fall we get up stronger. When I look the the scars on my skin it’s a beautiful reminder that I didn’t give in. I have kept the hope alive and found the strength inside to continue. We all have. Yet, the struggles will remain. That’s when a choice comes into play, do we give up or so we continue to fight?

Always continue to fight. When you’re tired, fight. When darkness closes in, fight to see the light. The outcome will always be worth the fight. Accept the fact that you made it through. Accept the scars you were dealt with. They’re battle scars, a reminder you made it through. Be your own sunshine, your reason to take that first breath in the morning. 

Keep the hope alive!

 

Forgiveness

We usually care hardships with us. People who have hurt us, betrayed us, and sometimes broke us. One of my biggest problems in life is forgiving someone who hurt me. Forgiving my ex husband took over 5 years. From the time the abuse started, to the divorce, and to the present day. Why is forgiveness so hard to do?

Most people say “do it for you not them” but it’s usually easy to say and hard to do. I have learned that forgiveness isn’t something you can simple do. Your heart, mind, and soul have to be at peace. I admit at the time my heart, mind, and soul looked like a dark storm with no end in sight. Family and friends among us think that it shouldn’t take us long. Most of my family said leave it to God and let it be.

Yet, my faith was gone and I was lost. The hurt and abuse broke me like no other. I lost my way and when trying to put the broken pieces of myself back together I ended up doing more damage. When I least expected it someone saw the good in me when I didn’t see it in myself. 

Last year I could finally say I forgave him and other people. It takes time to forgive others who have hurt you. Do not feel rushed in doing so. Take time where it is quiet and reflect. Putting yourself back together doesn’t have to be painful but it does start a life journey. And in the process the hurt that was done to you will be more of a chapter you closed instead of a nightmare you’re living. That is when you know your ready 💜

Love

Understanding love seems to be like trying understand every aspect of the universe. It can end up being the most difficult thing to obtain and keep at times. While other times it’s as easy as breathing. 

So do we give up on the aspect of what love should be or continue and strive for moments and memories it can bring? I have been fighting with this since I went through my divorce. If love is supposed to be the most wonderful aspect of life, why does it end up hurting you?

Having only one thought of what it should be gets us in trouble. It isn’t how Disney shows it to be in movies. The hardships is what strengthens the bond between two people. The lack of the strength and faith is what seems to make people fall apart. 

Something worth having will never come easy. Strive for more with each other but most importantly don’t give up on each other. If it’s worth having it’s worth fighting for.

Patience in all Things

Patience is not an easy thing for me and probably for some of you too. I have a tendency to want what I want when I want it. Not usually thinking of anything else. I was always raised to do things in life on my own so waiting on things to happen aren’t usually in my favor. 

Life has taught me that patience is truly a virtue. Nothing in life worth having will come easy. When it comes to relationships patience is still a problem for me. Expecting certain things or how I want them leads to a downfall at times. I’ve started taking a step back little by little and realizing how blessed I was. I had a loving man in my life who loved me without restraints. What I expected and what I had were two different things. What I had is such a blessing that what I expected didn’t compare. My love for him was worth me stepping back and simply having patience.

Not having patience can stop you from realizing what you already have. You always go and go and never stop. Stopping to notice what and who you have in life can bring you peace that you’ve been missing. Having patience is hard but once you notice all you have, it gets easier to live in the now and let go of everything else. 

That Feeling

There are times where I get survivor’s guilt. It’s a feeling I can’t hide or help at times. Being a survivor of domestic violence gives me strength to tackle the next day. Yet, at times I have guilt about surviving while others didn’t. Watching shows, movies, and even reading articles. They hit my heart hard and it’s hard to shake. Sometimes, I question on why and how did I survive. Why did I get to live while others didn’t. It’s a hard feeling to shake at times. When you feel like you “fully” recovered and it’s in the past, it sneaks back up on you. It creeps back in when you thought you shut the door and sealed the cracks of you heart and soul. Are all days like this? No. Some days I don’t even think about it and I’m truly happy. Other days it sneaks back into my life and I get silent. How do you truly get over something that has changed your life forever? I’m still finding that out along the way. It is never an easy road. I’ve tried taking short cuts and ended up at dead ends. I’ve taken the long way and ended up lost. But are we truly lost if we wander in our own journey through rediscovery? I’m Finding new pieces to my life and new things about myself. It’s like rediscovering my inner being of who I truly am. Domestic violence tears you apart in every faction of the way. It messes with you mentally and physically for the rest of your life. Yet, we are not broken. We are not the black sheep of society. We are human. We survived. We live on for others who didn’t have the chance. We let our stories and their stories be told until there is no hurt in the world.

Relationships

Something got me thinking lately, when we look around us what do we normally see? People in love, holding hands, beautiful couples. Some of us are still trying to find that “perfect” love or spouse in their lives, but is there truly a perfect relationship? 

I’ve been in a relationship for nearly nine months and let me tell you it hasn’t been a walk in the park. Yet, I couldn’t see my life without him at my side. Each day is a new chapter in a new book. Love is never simple. Love is never easy. Love is a blessing. Relationships take work, it’s like another full time job. We have to put in work daily, make each other feel wanted and appreciated.

So is there a perfect relationship? The Hallmark channel will make it seem like it during the holiday time, but no there isn’t. Everyone is different, no couple is the same as another. Yet, we’re in such a rush to be in a relationship. If you’re single, embrace it. A relationship doesn’t define you. If you’re in a relationship, again embrace it. Cherish it. Love each other. Feel young again. 

With the holiday’s approaching us, let us remember that those we have in our lives spouse and family should be first. Let us cherish each other.  Do not rush life, enjoy every moment. How else would we enjoy our blessings?