My name is Crystal and I’m a domestic violence survivor. I was in a domestic violence relationship for six years. It started from when I was 19 to 25 years of age, until I had the courage and found my strength to leave.
My journey has lead me to share my life, experiences, and hope for others in similar situations. Domestic violence is such a stigma in society sometimes that it can be hard to find others who have been through similar situations. That is where my journey started, the hope and will to help others. What survivors go through isn’t easy but we chose to live. We chose to live another day, we chose to leave, we chose to start our life again.
We are survivors
Sometimes in life we just go through the daily grind no matter the weather, our mood, and even our health. We put everything on the back burner and concentrate on what needs to be done. What where does that get us?
Well let me tell you, expecting less and accepting less. When did we start expecting less and accepting less in our lives? Whether it means the job you are currently working, current relationship, or any other aspect in our lives. If something doesn’t go our way time and time again we tend to get discouraged with other aspects of our life.
We have the power to live life to the ultimate fullest.
We have the power to take control of our lives.
We have the power to expect and accept more than what we have been doing.
No matter the bruises, no matter the hurt, no matter the scars, no matter how many times we fall in life we have the strength to not just settle in life.
Strive for more
Live and accept more
So why expect and accept less in life?
When we’re small we always think of what we want our lives to be like. Most of us wanted to be famous, a dancer, an astronaut, or even just rich. When we became adults those plans seem to change so drastically.
I always expected that my first marriage would be my last marriage. Yet, that didn’t happen.
I expected to be in a loving marriage but instead was the complete opposite.
I have learned that what we thought we wanted sometimes won’t happen. That life isn’t a fairytale that we see in the Disney movies. Yet, I have also learned that it’s ok when life doesn’t go your way. What I thought I wanted in life has now changed to just living in the moment. When I presisited to make me life be a certain way it added so much stress and disappointment when it didn’t become reality. What I ended up needing in my life shined through. What I have now in life is what I always needed and wanted. How blessed our lives are when we realize this aspect ❤
In our everyday life we get super stressed out. I know I’m not the only one. We can tend to take it out on others. We have a bad day at work, our mood changes. Something doesn’t go out way, we take it out on others.
Whether we do it in our words or actions we tend to cause damage. Not everything will go our way and that’s ok. If we can’t change it, why worry.
Let us be kind to one another especially now in our society. It can change someone’s day with just one kind gesture. When it happens to us, it changes our perspective of the day. We need more kindness and love in the world. It will always start with us.
So let’s pay it forward!
We go through our daily life without much thought. We get up, get the little ones up, and get ready for work. We know what to do and when to do it. Yet at times we think, what else is there? Our lives go stagnant yet we pretend like we don’t know why.
When did we get so caught up in our lives that we actually forgot to live and enjoy it? We tend to live to survive and not much more. The journey of life should be an adventure, so why don’t we live it as one?
Our daily routines have ourselves hostage because we put ourselves in that situation. So instead of doing the daily grind day in and day out let’s start living with purpose again! Do something new each day, find a new hobby, or even try out a new place to eat!
It’s time to enjoy life again, we only have one so let’s make it the best possible!
We usually care hardships with us. People who have hurt us, betrayed us, and sometimes broke us. One of my biggest problems in life is forgiving someone who hurt me. Forgiving my ex husband took over 5 years. From the time the abuse started, to the divorce, and to the present day. Why is forgiveness so hard to do?
Most people say “do it for you not them” but it’s usually easy to say and hard to do. I have learned that forgiveness isn’t something you can simple do. Your heart, mind, and soul have to be at peace. I admit at the time my heart, mind, and soul looked like a dark storm with no end in sight. Family and friends among us think that it shouldn’t take us long. Most of my family said leave it to God and let it be.
Yet, my faith was gone and I was lost. The hurt and abuse broke me like no other. I lost my way and when trying to put the broken pieces of myself back together I ended up doing more damage. When I least expected it someone saw the good in me when I didn’t see it in myself.
Last year I could finally say I forgave him and other people. It takes time to forgive others who have hurt you. Do not feel rushed in doing so. Take time where it is quiet and reflect. Putting yourself back together doesn’t have to be painful but it does start a life journey. And in the process the hurt that was done to you will be more of a chapter you closed instead of a nightmare you’re living. That is when you know your ready 💜
As my graduation from my University approaches I started thinking about what how much I fought to get where I am. Now let’s take a step back a few years.
High school was never easy for me. Fitting in wasn’t my thing, it was harder than what others may have gone through. Being biracial was hard because I didn’t just fit into one group, I mostly had to pick and choose. Being teased about it didn’t make it much easier. I ended up learning it never mattered what I looked on the exterior what what I had to offer from interior. It prepared me for the journey that I would have to take.
Back to the present.
I have honestly let the negativity I have experienced fuel my ambitions in life. If someone said I couldn’t do it, I’d prove them wrong no matter how long it took me. I had to prove to myself that I could do it. Leaving my abusive ex husband was my biggest test of all. I never had the intention of letting anyone see me fail, especially him. I took control of my life for the first time in years. We can get through anything in life, we have the strength within us to do so. We just have to believe it!
We will always come across conflict and turbulence in life. Getting there in one piece usually never happens, it’s just an extra journey. I see it as a scenic route at this point in life. We will end up getting to our destination in our own time, we just have to enjoy the journey. We can’t have a beautiful garden without a few rain showers along the way and when it blooms it will the most beautiful view you have ever seen.
One thing I have always noticed is that some of us are afraid to be alone. Afraid to grow old and be alone. Afraid to come home to empty house. Afraid of living life alone. Most times we are afraid to be alone with ourselves. We tend to overthink every aspect of our lives and we end up being our own worst enemies. As a society we tend to think of it as them against us but what about when it’s us vs. ourselves.
Why are we afraid to be alone with ourselves?
Being alone can bring us more strength then being with others at our side. We find our weakness but most importantly we find our strengths. Find that silent place and listen. Do not argue with yourself. Do not think about what still has to be done. Be one with mature. Be one with Earth.
This is where we find our inner peace. This is where we find the power we thought we lost but most importantly this is where we heal. Without silence we don’t take the time to heal from our wounds. Getting over our fear of being alone is the first step of find our own strength. There is no shame or sadness to come from being alone.
Just find yourself ❤
Understanding love seems to be like trying understand every aspect of the universe. It can end up being the most difficult thing to obtain and keep at times. While other times it’s as easy as breathing.
So do we give up on the aspect of what love should be or continue and strive for moments and memories it can bring? I have been fighting with this since I went through my divorce. If love is supposed to be the most wonderful aspect of life, why does it end up hurting you?
Having only one thought of what it should be gets us in trouble. It isn’t how Disney shows it to be in movies. The hardships is what strengthens the bond between two people. The lack of the strength and faith is what seems to make people fall apart.
Something worth having will never come easy. Strive for more with each other but most importantly don’t give up on each other. If it’s worth having it’s worth fighting for.
We all seem to talk about the ” new year, new me” around this time of year. What does that truly mean? Do we change who we are? Do we travel more? Do we lose the 10 pounds we’ve been talk about all of 2017? (Yes that was me)
We don’t necessarily have to change who we are on the inside or change what we look like from the outside to achieve a new sense of life. We also don’t have to close the book of the previously year like it never happened. We can simply write a continuation to our story. Some of us may have had a bad year and some of us may have had a wonderful year. No matter the outcome we all made it through. It does not matter how many times we fell but instead how many times we got back up.
We all have different goals we want to accomplish this year.
We all have have different journeys to take this year.
Continue your story and let it be a great one this year!