Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Anxiety and panic attacks is something I have always suffered from. It started slowly when domestic violence happened in my marriage. In the beginning I didn’t occur to me what was happening. I alienated myself from the world before I know what was truly taking place. At times they still happen.

When the panic attacks happen it feels as though everything in life just stops. You start to sweat. You go into a major panic everything and nothing. Your heart wants to jump out your chest. You can barely breathe. It can be one of the most frightening things you’ll experience in life.

So I write this for others who have suffered the same experience or knows someone who has. Panic attacks do not change who you are, who you truly are. You can get through this. You’re strong and you are not alone. Have faith and get positive thoughts. Know my thoughts and prayers are with you💜

 

Stresses in Life

Happy Saturday everyone!

As I woke up today I felt nothing but happiness. Although my Lupus hasn’t been agreeing with me lately, I still feel happy and blessed. How we start our day is usually how we end our day. Being negative as soon as we wake up in the morning will only lead to our demise.

Our lives are never perfect. We have stress, work, school, family, and children to worry about it. Yes, I get it we have so much on our plate. But take a moment and just breathe. Take a moment for you in your busy day. Sometimes we forgot (even myself) to take a step back and decompress. We get so wrapped up in our busy lives that we forget to realize how blessed we truly are. 

When we feel stress mounting up that’s the sign that we’ve gone too far. So how do we decompress when we have so much going on? Read a book, go out for a walk, meditate, or even just take a longer way home and listen to your favorite music. Our lives will always have some type of stress. It’s how we deal with it that determines our future. 🌸

 

Relationships

Something got me thinking lately, when we look around us what do we normally see? People in love, holding hands, beautiful couples. Some of us are still trying to find that “perfect” love or spouse in their lives, but is there truly a perfect relationship? 

I’ve been in a relationship for nearly nine months and let me tell you it hasn’t been a walk in the park. Yet, I couldn’t see my life without him at my side. Each day is a new chapter in a new book. Love is never simple. Love is never easy. Love is a blessing. Relationships take work, it’s like another full time job. We have to put in work daily, make each other feel wanted and appreciated.

So is there a perfect relationship? The Hallmark channel will make it seem like it during the holiday time, but no there isn’t. Everyone is different, no couple is the same as another. Yet, we’re in such a rush to be in a relationship. If you’re single, embrace it. A relationship doesn’t define you. If you’re in a relationship, again embrace it. Cherish it. Love each other. Feel young again. 

With the holiday’s approaching us, let us remember that those we have in our lives spouse and family should be first. Let us cherish each other.  Do not rush life, enjoy every moment. How else would we enjoy our blessings?

Hump day thoughts

Have you ever had one of those days where you just sit back and actually think about how far your life has come? Where you used to be and where you are now? That’s where I am today.

Two years ago I was in a marriage that involved domestic violence, both verbal and physical abuse. At that time I thought I had no way out and that this was always going to be my life, to live in fear. I forgot what life was and how to live. At times I didn’t want to live just because it was painful. I was lost and confused about how I got to this point in my life. It lasted from 2010 to the time I had the courage and strength to leave.

Last year I had the courage to leave my ex husband and ended up at my mothers front door. Crying my eyes out, not knowing what to do. My temporary stay turned into me staying in Texas long term. Finding myself has harder than I thought it was going to be. I still find out new things about myself daily, it’s a never ending learning experience. The divorce was painful, nothing about it was easy. The emotions that get brought up during those six months was walking through a dream you can’t wake up from. His surprise visits trying, the emails, and continuous contact was hell served on a silver platter. Yet, I never backed down and I never went back.

Present day, my life is simply blessed. Do the memories every truly fade away? no they don’t. Instead of scars they are lessons for me. My past can never be changed so I have learned to embrace it and help others find their way. My life is nothing less than beautiful. The man in my life has been a blessing in more ways than one. I’m closer to my family. I have finally learned how to live and live for me. 

So I tell you this story not for sympathy but for strength. Have the courage to live the life you dreamt of. Have the strength to claw your way out of hell and back into the light. We all have the power to choose how we life our life. So why not choose to be happy and enjoy what God has given us?

Circle of Life

So something happened today that I couldn’t help but share with you. Have you ever been disappointed at joy that felt like it was stolen from you? Like it was turn from you when you wished for it so? 

This happened to me today. I thought for the better half of October that there was a possibility that I could be pregnant. The thought of it for my boyfriend and I brought us nothing but joy. So why not be excited about the thought of a little blessing. To my dismay, we aren’t. I felt angry, sad, and just about every other emotion out there you could think of. Why? Why was that little piece of joy taken from us? I was at a point where I didn’t want to think and I may never understand how my broken heart is apart of God’s plan. 

So instead of feeding into the emotions too much I had to go outside and just breathe and listen. Listen to the quiet, so the quiet can calm my sadness and calm my heart. I now understand that it is simply not our time yet. Patience isn’t my strong suit in life but I know I can’t rush this in our life. I don’t blame myself, my love, or God. 

Waiting for that positive sign on a pregnancy test can be the most heartbreaking feeling a woman can go through. The longest 30 seconds of a wait, the most excitement you will ever feel, or the most sadness you may experience. When you try and try and try with no results happening it can lead you to a bottomless pit. As I tear up from writing this I also feel strength from it. I just have to remember you’re God and I am not. 

So I tell you this, don’t let the results get you down. When that positive sign happens to show up, embrace that blessing and share that with your spouse. If the results aren’t positive do not let that weaken your faith. Keep the faith. Keep the love between your spouse going. Keep hope in your heart.

Keep trying and always know you’re not alone in this journey. 

Monday Thought’s

As the dreaded Monday’s are upon us yet again, I got to thinking (as I always do). Why do we tend to think that Monday’s are the worst? We portray Monday as though it was Friday the 13th week after week. I can’t be the only one who has heard, “It’s Monday” when things don’t  go our way. Again, I’m guilty of this at times!

The positivity we have carrying the other six days out the week should be changed to seven. So how do we get out of this slump you ask? 

1) We can remember our blessings and be humbled by it, let our hearts grow two inches bigger

OR 

2) Feel like Grinch who stole Christmas

We are ultimately in control of what we feel and how we display it to others. We can feed into the negativity or instead be the sunshine someone may need in their lives. No one and I mean no one can make us feel anything or think disheartening thoughts. It took me a LONG time to figure that out, call me stubborn in my ways as most of us are. Yet, when we think about the inconveniences in our lives, are they really inconveniences?

We have to go to work on Monday’s. In reality you are blessed as some can’t find work.

Balancing life, work life, our children, and spouse. We have a loving family and have love to come home to.

Count your rainbows 🙂 

 

You’re Enough

Happy Sunday Everyone!

I went to church today and it got me thinking about something from the sermon. How many times a week do we criticize ourselves? Think about what we should of accomplished instead of thinking about the things we did achieve? 

I’m guilty of this. We’re so hard on ourselves even when we’re acheieving so much in life, it never seems good enough. Take a step back and breathe. Enjoy living in the moment again and just enjoying life. Let go of the worries and stress from our lives and concentrate on what we have. We are all so blessed in life, now let us bring that joy to others! 🙂

Letting the past go

How great would life be if we could simply forget our past and live in the present? No worries, no stress, just peace.

At times we forget to leave our past behind us. Fall is the perfect example of accomplishing this. Take a moment and go outside. Look at how lovely the leaves look as they fall from the trees around you. Remember that feeling you felt when you were watching and focus it in your own life. Simply let it go.

The feeling you’ll get from it will surely your bring you the peace you’re looking for! 

Moving On

How do you move on?

Why do people around us think it’s easily done?

Can we really just ” let it go”?

Simply put, no

A swift wind accidentally slams the door, we jump and our hearts begin to race

Afraid to leave the house because they  might be there

Simply being afraid to live because we simply don’t know how 

So what does it truly mean to move on? It’s different for everyone but here is my advice,

Choose to live, live for you not them

Will it be easy? no

Yet, look at how far you’ve come

Each day you choose to live is one day you take back from them

Until your life is truly your own

You are strong

You are a survivor 

 

What If’s

What is domestic violence?

Is it a stigma society puts on victims? Are we truly victims?

Should we be treated differently and looked down upon?

We are not victims, we are survivors 

We left when we thought we couldn’t

We lived when we wanted to die

We started again when we had no other path to take

We have strength, we are not weak. Our past will not break us, it will be the foundation to our future

We are survivors