thoughts

Late Night Positivity

It’s one of those late night writing sessions. The one’s where all you hear is silence and the wind lightly blowing outside. When your thoughts and dreams come back alive even its just for a few hours. 

There is something to be said for nights like this. When all seems to be right in your world and all you feel is peace. There are times where we think our world is at our darkest  but we forget that on the darkest of nights the stars shine bright. It’s so important to take time and look into all the good in your life although their might be darkness. 

Take time to notice what the universe has given you and what is to come.

Have peace in your heart 

Have peace in your soul

Spread the positivity within you as you start this week ❤

 

 

Its Time

It’s been forever since I’ve written on my site, but today something brought me back. In the past month or so the nightmares have come back and my world went dark. The anxiety and distress was there. When I woke up, when I was at work, and when I went to sleep. It followed me like a shadow, never leaving my side. I kept denying that anything had changed and went about my life as usual. Now looking back I knew I was in denial. Taking that step back is a hard pill to shallow because it feels like I failed yet again.

How can someone so far still haunt you?

It is a forever battle between our mind and in our heart. A battle others may not truly understand but you and thats ok too. Some battles are won with just one person, you. As long as you fight the battle has already been won. Accepting that you deserve the life you always prayed for is step one. That is the foundation that will not get destroyed when the storm comes in. Refuse to give up hope, refuse to give up on faith. 

 We all have those moments where we will put everything in front of ourselves. We help others before we help ourselves. Giving the last of us to someone else in need who needs it more. Yet, when it comes down to us we tend to skip ourselves.  Sometimes we need to put ourselves first and fight for us. We deserve the same treatment we give to others who may need help. One off my favorite quotes is “If what’s ahead scares you and what’s behind hurts you, then look up.” It has brought me back each time when all I saw was darkness. Let it bring light to your world when darkness creeps in.

 

 

When we save everyone else, who will save us?

We are our own hero in our story so make it amazing

 

 

Finding Yourself

Being diagnosed with Lupus for two years has made me still for the first time in my life. We all do it. We go, go, and go without a second thought it’s just how life is. I never once thought of myself I always put myself on the back burner because there were other things to worry about first. I never truly established who I am, truly. It seems calm at first like the morning sea yet can turn into a turbulent storm. The quote ” Not all who are wandering, are lost” rings true for me. I have wandered on my own path more in the past 2 years after being divorced than any other time of my life.

When I feel as though I’m on the right track I get diverted onto a new path I never knew. It has to be themes scariest feeling at the age of 27 of just now discovering who you are, why you are the way you are, and accepting it all. There are times (like now) that my lupus has me sit and stay put. This is when the mind wanders and I have time to think. Time to do me. Time to figure out my next step in life. Lupus should have never been the reason for this new discovery and journey in my life, but it was. The pain, illness, and everything in between brought me to who I am today. I was forced to center myself, to take care of myself. 

This is when I rediscover new things about myself and how important it is not to be yourself last. You have to come first in all that you do day after day. You are just as important as anything else in this world. You matter.

Wander as far as it will take you, enjoy the journey. 

 

You Had a Setback, But Are You Ready For Your Setup??

We’ve all been there, when we lose all hope because we keep getting knocked down. What we want doesn’t happen when *we* expect it to. Life happens to put a dark rain cloud over our head that we can’t seem to shake. In my short life I have learned that when all hope is lost, there’s only one person I can turn to. It’s during these times that you’ll also find out who your true friends are and who really has your back. Our expectations on how our life should be is what creates the storm inside of us. 

We tend to worry about the things we lost in life whether it is physical items or memories from the past. Instead of worrying about the things we’ve may have lost, rejoice the biggest blessing you have, LIFE!

Your phone can be replaced

Personal items can be replaced

The house can be rebuilt

You have one life and one life only, that is your superpower during tough times.

You may not see it now but you are so blessed. We all go through tough times, life just happens that way. How we get through the storm is what truly matters. Storms never last forever, sail with faith and get through it without harm.

When it becomes to hard to stand, kneel.

The Yes Girl

We’ve all been there (men too) to agreeing to everything that comes our way. That is my problem in life. 

“Hey we changed your schedule last minute thats cool right?” Yeah sure.

“Are you really ok?” Yeah

I’m a yes girl

I have a problem with telling people no. I don’t like to disappointment people or let them down. I feel as though I have to defend why I’m saying no. I can’t deal with seeing it in their eyes so I just go along with it.

I wasn’t always the yes girl believe it or not. When I was between 18-21 I was so much more assertive and more carefree. Confronting problems was never an issue to me. How people saw me never mattered because I loved myself more. So what changed?? I seriously ask myself this question all the time! I’m still not sure where I went wrong and how my personality changed so much. After while I got used to making others happy and forgot to do the same with myself. I started to put myself last. Instead of being the outgoing person I used to be, I started to be shy and sheltered. Now I worry if I upset others and jump to rescue the situation.

This is when I realized it was turning into a problem, especially when it came to my personality. When looking and thinking about it, it sends me into panic. Prioritizing my mental health has given me the courage to say no. Realizing that I needed help gave my strength to go down this journey. My boyfriend helped me realize that I was hurting myself more than helping myself when trying to help others. It made me sad that I got into this emotional state in my life but I was also proud of myself to getting to where I am now. It is an on going process and learning experience very similar to a roller coaster ride. I’m excited to see where I go from here and truly spending time with myself!

 

Lessons in Life

No one likes having storms in our lives. They bring in the thunder, lighting, and be destructive. We usually try our hardest in life to keep these storms out of our lives but when it comes to life they have to come. There are times in our lives that need these storms. Yes, I said it! Storms are needed in our lives. Through the pain, destruction, and loss there are only lessons we can learn from when going through storms. How would we know how strong we truly are if we weren’t tested? There are storms in my life I wish didn’t happen but it taught me so much about myself. To this day those lessons are still teaching me as I tackle every moment of my life. Through the toughest storms of my life taught me that with faith and God there is so much strength in this woman. There will be times where we feel that giving up seems like the better option, I’ve been down that fork in the road. Believe in your faith and where it will lead you, follow your heart. Be silent, be still, talk with God. We learn who we truly are in storms. Our inner being. Our character. Will we quit or fight for who we love and hold dear? This is when that question gets answered. It will lead to loving ourselves, who we really are. Loving ourselves means so much more than others loving us. It will calm you. 

Welcome the storms in your life. See what they bring.

Dance in the rain until you see the rainbow again!

Highs and Lows

There are times our life that we feel like we’re on cloud nine in life. That nothing can go wrong, everything is perfect. Those are the best times in our life and what we look forward. Yet, when an event happens in our life our world crashes around us. How can we be so high and yet drop from heaven and fall so quickly? How do you get through the lows in life? How do you see the light when it’s so far away?

People say just be happy or get over it but don’t help to show you how. There is no play by play book about life and how to handle the lows. I have been through the lowest of the lows, when I saw no other way out. I crawled out and went through fire to get where I am today. How did I do it? To be honest, I wouldn’t even tell you. I kept walking, when I want to curl up in a ball and give up I kept going. I didn’t know where I was going but I kept going. I had very close people in my life that helped me get through but they might as well have been talking a different language. This was one of those journeys I had to do on my own. I clawed my way out, kicking and screaming until I felt alive again. When I wanted to live, I found my purpose to breathe. I was my own world. I was my reason. 

Sometimes you win some and you lose some, at that point I was losing bad. I got up and fell. I couldn’t see the light. Thinking of the where I wanted to be, how I wanted to see my life to be pushed me forward. I was put on this Earth for a reason and I sure as hell going to figure out why. 

When got created mountains and oceans and galaxies he looked at you and thought the world needed one of you too. 

You are here for a reason

You were created and were meant to be here

Continue the journey even when times are hard

When all you see is darkness look at the stars, look at how they shine for you 

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