When we’re small we always think of what we want our lives to be like. Most of us wanted to be famous, a dancer, an astronaut, or even just rich. When we became adults those plans seem to change so drastically.
I always expected that my first marriage would be my last marriage. Yet, that didn’t happen.
I expected to be in a loving marriage but instead was the complete opposite.
I have learned that what we thought we wanted sometimes won’t happen. That life isn’t a fairytale that we see in the Disney movies. Yet, I have also learned that it’s ok when life doesn’t go your way. What I thought I wanted in life has now changed to just living in the moment. When I presisited to make me life be a certain way it added so much stress and disappointment when it didn’t become reality. What I ended up needing in my life shined through. What I have now in life is what I always needed and wanted. How blessed our lives are when we realize this aspect ❤
There are times where I get survivor’s guilt. It’s a feeling I can’t hide or help at times. Being a survivor of domestic violence gives me strength to tackle the next day. Yet, at times I have guilt about surviving while others didn’t. Watching shows, movies, and even reading articles. They hit my heart hard and it’s hard to shake. Sometimes, I question on why and how did I survive. Why did I get to live while others didn’t. It’s a hard feeling to shake at times. When you feel like you “fully” recovered and it’s in the past, it sneaks back up on you. It creeps back in when you thought you shut the door and sealed the cracks of you heart and soul. Are all days like this? No. Some days I don’t even think about it and I’m truly happy. Other days it sneaks back into my life and I get silent. How do you truly get over something that has changed your life forever? I’m still finding that out along the way. It is never an easy road. I’ve tried taking short cuts and ended up at dead ends. I’ve taken the long way and ended up lost. But are we truly lost if we wander in our own journey through rediscovery? I’m Finding new pieces to my life and new things about myself. It’s like rediscovering my inner being of who I truly am. Domestic violence tears you apart in every faction of the way. It messes with you mentally and physically for the rest of your life. Yet, we are not broken. We are not the black sheep of society. We are human. We survived. We live on for others who didn’t have the chance. We let our stories and their stories be told until there is no hurt in the world.