It’s been forever since I’ve written on my site, but today something brought me back. In the past month or so the nightmares have come back and my world went dark. The anxiety and distress was there. When I woke up, when I was at work, and when I went to sleep. It followed me like a shadow, never leaving my side. I kept denying that anything had changed and went about my life as usual. Now looking back I knew I was in denial. Taking that step back is a hard pill to shallow because it feels like I failed yet again.
How can someone so far still haunt you?
It is a forever battle between our mind and in our heart. A battle others may not truly understand but you and thats ok too. Some battles are won with just one person, you. As long as you fight the battle has already been won. Accepting that you deserve the life you always prayed for is step one. That is the foundation that will not get destroyed when the storm comes in. Refuse to give up hope, refuse to give up on faith.
We all have those moments where we will put everything in front of ourselves. We help others before we help ourselves. Giving the last of us to someone else in need who needs it more. Yet, when it comes down to us we tend to skip ourselves. Sometimes we need to put ourselves first and fight for us. We deserve the same treatment we give to others who may need help. One off my favorite quotes is “If what’s ahead scares you and what’s behind hurts you, then look up.” It has brought me back each time when all I saw was darkness. Let it bring light to your world when darkness creeps in.
When we save everyone else, who will save us?
We are our own hero in our story so make it amazing
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how this website came to be and what brought me to this point in my life to have so much courage to speak out. It’s hard for me to get raw and let others see in, it’s always been difficult.Yet, for this post it’s needed and also needed for me. So grab a cup of tea or something stronger we both might need it.
Lighthouses have always been a magnet for me this my divorce and moments following up to it. I felt peace I’ve never felt before when looking at them. It was like it was calling me home (sounds silly but that was the vibe it sent to me). They were around when I was going through my divorce. It was there through the aftermath and through the darkness. Lighthouses have a way of calling us home, showing us the way back. It showed me the way back to where I needed to be. Lighthouse Survivors came to me almost instantly.
Recently on vacation our hotel room faced the ocean and yes you guessed it, there was a lighthouse within view. It almost felt like it was meant to be. At night I would see the lights go off in the distance and darkness yet tranquil ocean within its midst. It had to be one of the most tranquil feelings I’ve ever felt yet scariest. In the past 3 years I thought I forgave and let go of my past. The abuse, the pain, the darkness, everything! But when I looked out at night I felt something different. So one of the nights I was there I walked out to the ocean on my own. I sat on the beach and looked out to the lighthouse, every emotion possible came over me. I finally let everything go. I felt sadness, anger, grief, peace, and everything else under the moon that night. I spent over an hour crying, praying, and just being still. Every night after that I walked the beach at night just so I could be close to the lighthouse. I felt peace I have never felt before, it was like a new beginning… like I was reborn again. The ocean was and forever will be my home.
Whether you are a survivor of domestic violence, substance abuse, suicide, cancer, or just getting the strength to continue another day. Let me tell you truly that you are not alone. The darkness does not stay forever, the darker the storm the brighter the rainbow will be. Do not give not matter how hard it may be to continue. Abuse of any kind is a scar we will always carry with us but let it be a reminder of how far your have come and what you have survived. The one thing I have learned through it all, is that the darkest of nights produce the brightest stars. Do not fear the dark.
Be brighter than the fire that surrounds you.
Look for your lighthouse ❤
Sometimes in life we just go through the daily grind no matter the weather, our mood, and even our health. We put everything on the back burner and concentrate on what needs to be done. What where does that get us?
Well let me tell you, expecting less and accepting less. When did we start expecting less and accepting less in our lives? Whether it means the job you are currently working, current relationship, or any other aspect in our lives. If something doesn’t go our way time and time again we tend to get discouraged with other aspects of our life.
We have the power to live life to the ultimate fullest.
We have the power to take control of our lives.
We have the power to expect and accept more than what we have been doing.
No matter the bruises, no matter the hurt, no matter the scars, no matter how many times we fall in life we have the strength to not just settle in life.
Strive for more
Live and accept more
So why expect and accept less in life?
We go through our daily life without much thought. We get up, get the little ones up, and get ready for work. We know what to do and when to do it. Yet at times we think, what else is there? Our lives go stagnant yet we pretend like we don’t know why.
When did we get so caught up in our lives that we actually forgot to live and enjoy it? We tend to live to survive and not much more. The journey of life should be an adventure, so why don’t we live it as one?
Our daily routines have ourselves hostage because we put ourselves in that situation. So instead of doing the daily grind day in and day out let’s start living with purpose again! Do something new each day, find a new hobby, or even try out a new place to eat!
It’s time to enjoy life again, we only have one so let’s make it the best possible!
We all seem to talk about the ” new year, new me” around this time of year. What does that truly mean? Do we change who we are? Do we travel more? Do we lose the 10 pounds we’ve been talk about all of 2017? (Yes that was me)
We don’t necessarily have to change who we are on the inside or change what we look like from the outside to achieve a new sense of life. We also don’t have to close the book of the previously year like it never happened. We can simply write a continuation to our story. Some of us may have had a bad year and some of us may have had a wonderful year. No matter the outcome we all made it through. It does not matter how many times we fell but instead how many times we got back up.
We all have different goals we want to accomplish this year.
We all have have different journeys to take this year.
Continue your story and let it be a great one this year!
Patience is not an easy thing for me and probably for some of you too. I have a tendency to want what I want when I want it. Not usually thinking of anything else. I was always raised to do things in life on my own so waiting on things to happen aren’t usually in my favor.
Life has taught me that patience is truly a virtue. Nothing in life worth having will come easy. When it comes to relationships patience is still a problem for me. Expecting certain things or how I want them leads to a downfall at times. I’ve started taking a step back little by little and realizing how blessed I was. I had a loving man in my life who loved me without restraints. What I expected and what I had were two different things. What I had is such a blessing that what I expected didn’t compare. My love for him was worth me stepping back and simply having patience.
Not having patience can stop you from realizing what you already have. You always go and go and never stop. Stopping to notice what and who you have in life can bring you peace that you’ve been missing. Having patience is hard but once you notice all you have, it gets easier to live in the now and let go of everything else.
This is a question I have always asked myself. How do you become the perfect step parent? Without trying to step on boundaries. Being in a relationship where your spouse has children is not an easy mountain climb. Questions always arise if you’re going to do the right thing or just being very cautious and walking on egg shells.
I have seen others around me do it. I’ve seen only love and acceptance. It is a learning process especially coming from someone who has never had a child of their own.
Seeing how my parents have raised me has helped calm my fears. I know there isn’t a such thing as a perfect parent or step parent. The important thing is that we try. Accept them for who they are. Encourage them. Love them deeply and completely. Bring them closer to faith and God. Everything else will fall into place!