After taking a break for a month or so I’ve never felt so alive yet also feeling so lost. Such a crazy combination when you think about it. My life has been been the greatest it has been in years and the happiest. Yet, apart of me is still struggling to realize that I deserve every inch of God’s grace he’s given me. I’ve put my heart back together and continued to do so when I cut myself in the process. Coming so far yet feeling like no strides have been made. Like more should of been done in that time, feeling defeated when in actuality we won that phase of our lives. I survived such hell and survived domestic violence yet at times I still act like a victim.
Why do we put ourselves down when we have no true reason to?
It leads too others seeing our true soul and sometimes it’s something we don’t want others to see. We’re so vulnerable in this state we can’t hide what is eating us on the inside. Then reality hits us, do we love ourselves? Truly love ourselves? We often say of course we do I’m happy and then after the “but” starts.
Do we love ourselves enough accept where we are in life and what we survived from our past? Better question, can we?
We’re warriors, when we fall we get up stronger. When I look the the scars on my skin it’s a beautiful reminder that I didn’t give in. I have kept the hope alive and found the strength inside to continue. We all have. Yet, the struggles will remain. That’s when a choice comes into play, do we give up or so we continue to fight?
Always continue to fight. When you’re tired, fight. When darkness closes in, fight to see the light. The outcome will always be worth the fight. Accept the fact that you made it through. Accept the scars you were dealt with. They’re battle scars, a reminder you made it through. Be your own sunshine, your reason to take that first breath in the morning.
Keep the hope alive!
In our everyday life we get super stressed out. I know I’m not the only one. We can tend to take it out on others. We have a bad day at work, our mood changes. Something doesn’t go out way, we take it out on others.
Whether we do it in our words or actions we tend to cause damage. Not everything will go our way and that’s ok. If we can’t change it, why worry.
Let us be kind to one another especially now in our society. It can change someone’s day with just one kind gesture. When it happens to us, it changes our perspective of the day. We need more kindness and love in the world. It will always start with us.
So let’s pay it forward!
As my graduation from my University approaches I started thinking about what how much I fought to get where I am. Now let’s take a step back a few years.
High school was never easy for me. Fitting in wasn’t my thing, it was harder than what others may have gone through. Being biracial was hard because I didn’t just fit into one group, I mostly had to pick and choose. Being teased about it didn’t make it much easier. I ended up learning it never mattered what I looked on the exterior what what I had to offer from interior. It prepared me for the journey that I would have to take.
Back to the present.
I have honestly let the negativity I have experienced fuel my ambitions in life. If someone said I couldn’t do it, I’d prove them wrong no matter how long it took me. I had to prove to myself that I could do it. Leaving my abusive ex husband was my biggest test of all. I never had the intention of letting anyone see me fail, especially him. I took control of my life for the first time in years. We can get through anything in life, we have the strength within us to do so. We just have to believe it!
We will always come across conflict and turbulence in life. Getting there in one piece usually never happens, it’s just an extra journey. I see it as a scenic route at this point in life. We will end up getting to our destination in our own time, we just have to enjoy the journey. We can’t have a beautiful garden without a few rain showers along the way and when it blooms it will the most beautiful view you have ever seen.
One thing I have always noticed is that some of us are afraid to be alone. Afraid to grow old and be alone. Afraid to come home to empty house. Afraid of living life alone. Most times we are afraid to be alone with ourselves. We tend to overthink every aspect of our lives and we end up being our own worst enemies. As a society we tend to think of it as them against us but what about when it’s us vs. ourselves.
Why are we afraid to be alone with ourselves?
Being alone can bring us more strength then being with others at our side. We find our weakness but most importantly we find our strengths. Find that silent place and listen. Do not argue with yourself. Do not think about what still has to be done. Be one with mature. Be one with Earth.
This is where we find our inner peace. This is where we find the power we thought we lost but most importantly this is where we heal. Without silence we don’t take the time to heal from our wounds. Getting over our fear of being alone is the first step of find our own strength. There is no shame or sadness to come from being alone.
Just find yourself ❤
Why does it seem that our fears take hold of our life? Fear of letting go. Fear of the future. Fear of the present. It’s an emotion that most won’t talk about simply because it shows weakness. Yet, when we don’t talk about it, it takes over our lives.
Living in fear is something I was used to being a domestic violence survivor. It is definitely not a way to live your life. Not only does it effect your life it also effects those around you. It shows in what you do and say.
Let us not be overcome by fear but instead live each day with happiness. Let us talk about our weaknesses and sadness without thinking what society may think of us. Don’t let fears hold you back, you are worth every inch of happiness in this world. Embrace it 🙂
Happy Saturday everyone!
As I woke up today I felt nothing but happiness. Although my Lupus hasn’t been agreeing with me lately, I still feel happy and blessed. How we start our day is usually how we end our day. Being negative as soon as we wake up in the morning will only lead to our demise.
Our lives are never perfect. We have stress, work, school, family, and children to worry about it. Yes, I get it we have so much on our plate. But take a moment and just breathe. Take a moment for you in your busy day. Sometimes we forgot (even myself) to take a step back and decompress. We get so wrapped up in our busy lives that we forget to realize how blessed we truly are.
When we feel stress mounting up that’s the sign that we’ve gone too far. So how do we decompress when we have so much going on? Read a book, go out for a walk, meditate, or even just take a longer way home and listen to your favorite music. Our lives will always have some type of stress. It’s how we deal with it that determines our future. 🌸
Have you ever had one of those days where you just sit back and actually think about how far your life has come? Where you used to be and where you are now? That’s where I am today.
Two years ago I was in a marriage that involved domestic violence, both verbal and physical abuse. At that time I thought I had no way out and that this was always going to be my life, to live in fear. I forgot what life was and how to live. At times I didn’t want to live just because it was painful. I was lost and confused about how I got to this point in my life. It lasted from 2010 to the time I had the courage and strength to leave.
Last year I had the courage to leave my ex husband and ended up at my mothers front door. Crying my eyes out, not knowing what to do. My temporary stay turned into me staying in Texas long term. Finding myself has harder than I thought it was going to be. I still find out new things about myself daily, it’s a never ending learning experience. The divorce was painful, nothing about it was easy. The emotions that get brought up during those six months was walking through a dream you can’t wake up from. His surprise visits trying, the emails, and continuous contact was hell served on a silver platter. Yet, I never backed down and I never went back.
Present day, my life is simply blessed. Do the memories every truly fade away? no they don’t. Instead of scars they are lessons for me. My past can never be changed so I have learned to embrace it and help others find their way. My life is nothing less than beautiful. The man in my life has been a blessing in more ways than one. I’m closer to my family. I have finally learned how to live and live for me.
So I tell you this story not for sympathy but for strength. Have the courage to live the life you dreamt of. Have the strength to claw your way out of hell and back into the light. We all have the power to choose how we life our life. So why not choose to be happy and enjoy what God has given us?
As the dreaded Monday’s are upon us yet again, I got to thinking (as I always do). Why do we tend to think that Monday’s are the worst? We portray Monday as though it was Friday the 13th week after week. I can’t be the only one who has heard, “It’s Monday” when things don’t go our way. Again, I’m guilty of this at times!
The positivity we have carrying the other six days out the week should be changed to seven. So how do we get out of this slump you ask?
1) We can remember our blessings and be humbled by it, let our hearts grow two inches bigger
2) Feel like Grinch who stole Christmas
We are ultimately in control of what we feel and how we display it to others. We can feed into the negativity or instead be the sunshine someone may need in their lives. No one and I mean no one can make us feel anything or think disheartening thoughts. It took me a LONG time to figure that out, call me stubborn in my ways as most of us are. Yet, when we think about the inconveniences in our lives, are they really inconveniences?
We have to go to work on Monday’s. In reality you are blessed as some can’t find work.
Balancing life, work life, our children, and spouse. We have a loving family and have love to come home to.
Count your rainbows 🙂