Being diagnosed with Lupus for two years has made me still for the first time in my life. We all do it. We go, go, and go without a second thought it’s just how life is. I never once thought of myself I always put myself on the back burner because there were other things to worry about first. I never truly established who I am, truly. It seems calm at first like the morning sea yet can turn into a turbulent storm. The quote ” Not all who are wandering, are lost” rings true for me. I have wandered on my own path more in the past 2 years after being divorced than any other time of my life.
When I feel as though I’m on the right track I get diverted onto a new path I never knew. It has to be themes scariest feeling at the age of 27 of just now discovering who you are, why you are the way you are, and accepting it all. There are times (like now) that my lupus has me sit and stay put. This is when the mind wanders and I have time to think. Time to do me. Time to figure out my next step in life. Lupus should have never been the reason for this new discovery and journey in my life, but it was. The pain, illness, and everything in between brought me to who I am today. I was forced to center myself, to take care of myself.
This is when I rediscover new things about myself and how important it is not to be yourself last. You have to come first in all that you do day after day. You are just as important as anything else in this world. You matter.
Wander as far as it will take you, enjoy the journey.